Anger, like fear, is a tricky emotion.
It's necessary. It's unavoidable. It can be directive. It can also be destructive, depending on how much we let it control our decision-making and rule our lives. What's also interesting about anger is that it is often a Trojan horse, masking what true emotional stakes are at play in a given situation:
Whether anger is the true emotion we're feeling or a cover for what our real feelings are in a given situation, it's important for us to understand what it means to have a healthy relationship with anger.
⚡ Related: Mastering Fear to Understand + Harness Your Emotional GPS
Because when our relationship with anger goes unchecked, it can wreak havoc in our lives. Anger can harm relationships, derail our goals, and make it near impossible to live a life that extends beyond our defaults. But when we do make peace with anger, learn to understand its true purpose in our lives, and begin to see what anger can teach us, so much more becomes possible.
As Mark Twain once said:
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."
And that's what this episode is all about.
Questions We Discuss
- What has our relationship been with anger over the years?
- Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where you realized anger was playing an outsized role in your life?
- Like fear, anger can often become a ruling, destructive force in our lives … how does that happen?
- Why is understanding our relationship with anger critical to living beyond your default?
- Is there ever a case for anger, where it’s a valuable feeling that should be honored?
- How do you tell the difference between healthy bouts of anger and moments of anger you need to move through?
- What questions or strategies do you look to in your day to day life, when it comes to managing or moving through feelings of anger?
Key Conversation Points
- George shares stories from his life that taught him how to reframe the anger he was feeling, as well as what we learned from the process of allowing himself to experience true emotional pain.
- George also shared his RAIN framework for working with anger — Recognize it, Allow it, Investigate it, and Nurture it.
- We discussed breathwork, calming self-talk, visualizations, and restorative yoga practices as great practices for managing moments of anger.
How George Challenged Himself
When George started to notice the relationship he had with anger, he turned the high-powered microscope he had pointed at other people on himself. He did this by asking himself pointed questions, including:
- Who am I?
- Who have I become?
- How do I want to show up?
- What part did I have to play?
- What lessons can I learn?
- Who do I want to be?
Once George had the answers to those questions, then and only then could he pay attention to the words of Lee Iacocca, who said: "In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."
You see, once you have your answers to those questions, you can turn your historical anger into the positive energy you need to make the long journey you are on to a better life, to self-fulfillment, to a life beyond your default.
Other Resources
- How to use anger as a force for good
- Control Anger Before it Controls You
- Anger might help you achieve your goals
- Understanding and Processing Anger
Scripture
"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Matthew 7:3-5
"So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, 'Get these out of here!'" John 2:15-17
Related BYD Episodes
- What Is Beyond Your Default? Why This Podcast + Why Now?
- The Power of Forgiveness, Part II: The Healing Power of Forgiving Yourself
- Good Ego vs. Bad Ego: What to Do When You Get Too Big for Your Britches
- Unlocking Your Inner Power: Self-Love, Core Circles, + Spiritual Wisdom
- You're Only Human, Be Kind to Yourself on This Journey
- Navigating the Starting Lines of Your Life + the Finish Line You Deserve
