Power of Forgiveness, Part II: Forgiving Ourselves

Welcome to part two of our conversation about forgiveness. As we shared in our last episode, we noted a distinct and organic trend emerge through some of our previous topics.

Whether we were talking about good ego vs. bad ego, cultivating relationships in our lives, or wrestling with fear, George and I noticed some element of forgiveness was required to move through these opportunities and challenges to truly create a pathway toward living beyond your default.

⚡ Go Deeper: What It Means to Forgive Others (+ Why It Matters)

In the first part of our conversation on forgiveness, we started with the external expression of forgiveness. More specifically, we focused exclusively on what it means to forgive others. We explored what forgiving others can (and should) look like, what it doesn't look like, and what benefits we reap as a result of leaning more into a mindset that embraces forgiveness.

Of course, our ability to forgive others is only one part of the forgiveness equation. Much like other "big life concepts" such as love and happiness, our ability to express and bestow forgiveness to others begins with our ability to find forgiveness and self-compassion within.

Today, for the second part of this conversation, we are turning inward to reflect on the importance of forgiving ourselves, as well as what it looks like in practice, and how it helps us propel forward.

QUESTIONS WE EXPLORE

When did George first realize forgiving himself was part of the package deal, so to speak, when it comes to living a life beyond your default?
Why do so many people struggle to forgive themselves?
What about those moments where we may feel forgiving ourselves isn't enough – we also need the ability to atone or perhaps desire the forgiveness of others?
How does our ability to forgive ourselves correlate to our conversation regarding the language we use to talk to ourselves about ourselves? And why does recognizing this connection matter?
What are some of the benefits we've experienced as we've learned to be more forgiving with ourselves? And what does the science say?
How can we tell the difference between moments when forgiving ourselves is required and when it's not because we've actually done nothing wrong?
What does forgiving ourselves look like in practice?
What advice does George have to those who are truly struggling to find a way to forgive themselves, perhaps because they feel they are beyond redemption?

Research + Resources

How self-forgiveness affects us (NIH)

"Empirical evidence suggests that self-forgiveness is linked with high self-esteem, low neuroticism and low levels of anxiety and depression. Similarly, it has been found to be positively linked with positive emotions, and with a lack of shame."
"... self-forgiveness has been found to reduce procrastination. More specifically, among students who reported high levels of self-forgiveness for procrastinating studying for the first examination, procrastination on preparing for the subsequent examination was reduced. The above finding suggests that self-forgiveness for past wrongs allows for forward movement toward goal pursuit by reducing procrastination tendencies."

Fostering Self-Forgiveness: 25 Powerful Techniques and Books

This list includes numerous valuable resources and techniques. During this specific episode, George took us through a practical exercise involving the following affirmations:

I am worthy of forgiveness.
I am human, and sometimes I make mistakes.
I can learn from my mistakes.
I forgive myself for what I did.
No one is defined by one mistake or one incident.
I can let go of feelings of guilt and shame.
I can forgive myself, as I would forgive others.
I deserve to treat myself with compassion and kindness.
I love, forgive, and accept myself with all of my imperfections.
I am worthy of others’ love and acceptance, just as I am.
By accepting responsibility for what happened, I can achieve personal growth.
I deserve to be able to move on with my life.
I welcome kindness, compassion, and love into my life.
I care about others and am accountable for my actions.
I am wiser today than yesterday because I have learned from my mistakes.
I deserve to speak kindly to myself.
Making mistakes is an opportunity to gain wisdom.
Forgiveness is a strength.
Punishing myself forever is unhelpful to me and others.
I will continue to live in line with my values as best I can, as I always have.

Listen to the episode to participate in this affirmations exercise. Take note not only the thoughts and feelings that arise, but also of the physical sensations that you experience, as well. Here's a great chart to help you decipher any physical feelings that may arise:

Source

As I share in this episode, I was quite surprised at how I reacted emotionally and physically to the experience of this guided exercise with George.